The Cullen Family!
by The Diamond in the Rocks
Summary: The Cullen Family is at a new high school in Alaska and the students there seem to think that they are creepy, cooky, mysterious and spooky. Review! Now edited into a bunch of random funny snippets.
1. Chapter 1

**Well here's a funny little onshot I call... The Cullen Family!! Yeah I have no idea where this came from... I'm pretty sure I was sugar-high when I thought of this... Enjoy anyway!! P.S. See how nice I am?? Even though I'm Team Jacob I still write vampire- Bella fanfics!! **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns these characters... I make them funny!!**

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I made my way down the lunch line, at an incredibly slow pace. I couldn't even imagine going this slow when I was human. I felt like I was being tortured to death.

_Would it kill these people to move any faster? I feel like picking up one of them and putting them on my tray!!_

Alice saw my nails digging into the tray, leaving ten holes in the cheap plastic. She put her hand on my shoulder and shook her head slightly. I let out a breath.

"S'ok, Bella. Think of them as your friends. Remember at Forks? Angela and Ben? Pretend these people are them."

I tried, but all I got was a line full of Laurens, which didn't help my self control in the slightest.

Finally Alice and I each bought a bottle of water and a bagel, and made our way back to our table. I seated myself next to Edward and Alice sat down across from me by Jasper. Emmett was asking Edward what the students thought of us so far. Edward shrugged, "They all think we're very attractive, they're wondering if we're all siblings, about seventeen boys already plan on asking one of you to the prom." He nodded at Alice, Rosalie and me.

Rosalie smiled and looked satisfied, Alice and I rolled our eyes. I set my chin down on the table, but as soon as it was resting on the cold plastic, my head popped right up again.

"Do you guys hear that?" But Alice, Edward, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were already looking at the table across the cafeteria from us.

_They're creepy and they're cooky_

_Mysterious and spooky_

_They're all together ooky_

_The Cullen family!! _(And they snapped twice)

Edward smirked, Alice and I giggled, Rosalie rolled her eyes, but Emmett put his head back and roared with laughter. Even Jasper had to smile.

Emmett recovered from his chortling and shook his head. "Of all the high schools we've been to I like this one best."

The bell rang and as we passed our song- writers Emmett sang just loud enough for them to hear, "_The Cullen family!_" And we all snapped our fingers.

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**Yeah, not that funny, I know. But I liked it. Review and tell me what you think! XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lol. I'll keep this author's note short. I find this slap your knee, hit your head on the table, fall off your chair laughing hilarious. If you don't, I don't need negative comments. It's very OOC, which I promised myself I wouldn't write, but everyone on fanfiction writes OOC stuff sometimes. I figured I'm entitled to as well.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Quileute werewolves or the Wonder Pet theme song.**

_Quil, Jacob, Embry, I need you guys a little North of the border. We caught a fresh trail._

I quickened my pace, Sam sounded urgent. Quil and Embry were on my flanks, struggling to keep up with me.

_Wait up, man, _Quil complained. I pushed further.

_WAIT! _

I let out a growl. _Not until you get that God damn song out of your head!!! _

_I can't! _Quil complained. _There was a marathon on, and it was all Claire wanted to watch!_

_That's just too damn bad! I hate it when you get back from hanging with Claire! Get a life man, hang with people who don't spend their time watching Wonder Pets._

Quil's thoughts were all shamed now, which made me feel a little nudge of guilt, but I shrugged it away.

That's when I noticed that Embry had started to head-hum the Wonder Pet's theme song.

_Embry! Not you too, man!_

_It's catchy!_

_What. The. Hell._

Embry continued to sing along to that cursed song; all I wanted to do was explode my way back into humanity.

_You know, it could work for a theme song for us, _Embry mused. I swear I almost threw up.

_WHAT?_

_You know, if you replace some of the words... Like it could be like: Embry, Quil, and Jacob too! We're Wonder Wolves and we'll help you!_

Apparently, Quil liked the idea.

_We're super big and we're super tough, and when we work together we've got the right stuff! _

No words.

_If anyone asks, I don't know you mental cases._

_C'mon, Jacob! You know you want to!_

_The hell I do!_

_We're getting nearer... Theme song time! _Embry sounded eager.

_Okay... Ready? Go!_

_Embry!_

_Quil!_

I didn't say anything. Their thoughts turned pleading towards me, and Embry gave the the werewolf puppy eyes. You don't know how frustrating it is to have your seventeen year old best friend give you werewolf puppy eyes.

_Oh, fine! And Jacob too!_

_We're Wonder Wolves and we'll help you! We're super big and we're super tough and when we work together we've got the right stuff!_

I hate to admit it, I joined in.

_Wonder Wolves, Wonder Wolves, we're on our way! To save humans from vampires and save the day!_

_What's gonna work? _Sam asked that, if you're wondering.

_Teamwork!_

_What the hell????_

Busted. By Leah.

_You guys are so retarded! You're singing the Wonder Pets theme song? _

_I wanna sing it with you guys!!!_

Seth decided to join the party.

And so we sang our way into Victoria's death, and got half-eaten by Leah.

**--End--**

**Well I think I did a good job! So this isn't gonna be the Cullen's highschool adventures anymore, just a bunch of little funny snippets! Though I might add Cullen high-school-ness later on... Remember to review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Tee-hee. I've been thinking about this, wondering how I'm gonna write it, and I decided I was over-thinking it. So I'll just write it! At first it seems very romantic one-shotish, but it's funny, I promise! My friends thought it was real funny, so I hope you do too!**

**Disclaimer: Do I really need this? I mean, the only person who can honestly say that they own the Twilight series is Stephenie Meyer, and I highly doubt Steph would spend her time on fanfic writing crap like this...**

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The sun was just beginning to dip behing the horizon, making the sky pink and purple and yellow and orange and red... It sent its kingly reflection out on the water, making the waves and rocks on First Beach shimmer. It was truly beautiful, and I thought in that moment that nothing would ever make that majestic sunset look dull.

Until I looked down at the one girl's face that could.

Nessie was curled against my chest, her head tucked beneath my chin. Her eyes were focused on the sunset, mesmerized, the way I had been before I remembered her in my arms. She looked almost ten years old now, and her bronze curls spilled below her waist, tickling my stomach. She felt my eyes on her and looked up to meet my gaze with warm, chocolate brown eyes.

"I love you, Jacob," she murmured, nuzzling against my neck.

"Love you more."

"Right."

I laughed lightly, kissing the top of her head. We sat in silence for a moment before she spoke.

"Jacob?" She asked. She sounded hesitant, though I couldn't imagine why.

"Yeah, hun?"

"Jacob, if I asked you a question,would you answer honestly?"

What a stupid question. "Of course."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

She seemed to contemplate that for a moment.

"Say you swear."

I rolled my eyes, but followed her command anyway. "I swear."

She was satisfied at that.

"Jacob, where do babies come from?"

... That was unexpected. _Crap._

"Um..."

"You promised. You _swore._"

"Okay, yeah, I swore. But that was before I knew the question, Ness."

"But I want to know!"

"Look kid, I can easily come up with three reasons of why I can't tell you. 1. Technically, you're only, like, less than a year old-"

"But _un_-technically I'm ten years old!"

"I'm talking tecnically. Second, you like me, right?"

She nodded stiffly, her arms were crossed over her chest, her chin drawn inward angrily.

"Well, if I tell you, your dad's gonna find out, and he's gonna hunt me down like a dog and murder me in cold blood. You don't want that, do you?"

She made no movement, only stared at the ground. I waited for a reply. Finally she looked up at me fiercely.

"I promise not to think about it!"

I shook my head and smiled. "You want to hear the third reason?" She shrugged. I took that as a yes.

"Lastly, you really do not need to know that right now. You wanna know so bad? Ask your parents."

She pouted, and I almost gave. It was the most adorable thing in the world.

"I _did_ ask them. They said exactly what you said, without the dad killing you part."

I smiled and tugged her into my arms.

"They were right."

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**Lol, I think I made it too fluffy and not funny enough. But I still liked it. Review, please!**


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